Thursday, January 30, 2003
Mood: Meh 
I'm tired. I hafta go to school tomorrow... then rehearsal... then I come home and sleep so I can get up and go to a work party (don't let the "party" part fool you ;)) from 10 to 4, and then I will arrive back home around 5, and be off on my way soon again to work at Claires till midnight x_x.... Busy-ness! And I have a slight headache... Yes, I do like complaining :P! I'm listening to Time After Time right now, but it's sung by these guys... instead of Cyndi hehe... I wish my dad would hurry up and make me dinner, like he said he was gonna do in 15 minutes an hour ago (really, I'm not exaggerating)... I'd just do it myself, but he likes it a certain way that I can't do, so I gotsta wait... *waits*... I'm thirsty, too... *gulps* I'm dying of thirst! agggggh! .............. But anyway, I actually updated! I went through the about me page and updated a bit... and revamped the art page a bit. Now they should work better.
I'm tired. I hafta go to school tomorrow... then rehearsal... then I come home and sleep so I can get up and go to a work party (don't let the "party" part fool you ;)) from 10 to 4, and then I will arrive back home around 5, and be off on my way soon again to work at Claires till midnight x_x.... Busy-ness! And I have a slight headache... Yes, I do like complaining :P! I'm listening to Time After Time right now, but it's sung by these guys... instead of Cyndi hehe... I wish my dad would hurry up and make me dinner, like he said he was gonna do in 15 minutes an hour ago (really, I'm not exaggerating)... I'd just do it myself, but he likes it a certain way that I can't do, so I gotsta wait... *waits*... I'm thirsty, too... *gulps* I'm dying of thirst! agggggh! .............. But anyway, I actually updated! I went through the about me page and updated a bit... and revamped the art page a bit. Now they should work better.
Tuesday, January 28, 2003
Mood: . . . . Mehhhhhh.... 
Um, I feel better than before. I went up to the community center and cycled for 20 minutes. That was enough to get me going. AND! I made it through rehearsals today *dramatic phewwwwwwwwwwww*! *does a "I just made it to Hollywood on American Idol" pose*! Ugh, but now I gotta do a little English, and then some Science. Grrr
Um, I feel better than before. I went up to the community center and cycled for 20 minutes. That was enough to get me going. AND! I made it through rehearsals today *dramatic phewwwwwwwwwwww*! *does a "I just made it to Hollywood on American Idol" pose*! Ugh, but now I gotta do a little English, and then some Science. Grrr
Monday, January 27, 2003
Mood: Headachey 
AAAAAGH! My head hurts! *holds head* And my stomach.... go away knot of anxiety! Away! Awaaaaaaay! *whimpers* Tomorrow at rehearsals we do Act 2; that's the act with my big chunk of text! And today we had to do the whole Act 1 with out tongues out (to help w/enunciation); I don't want to do my big chunk of text with my tongue out! It's hard enough for me to do regularly! My mouth is incredibly dry by the end of it, and I feel like I could suck on my inhaler all night afterwards... but then again, that's how I feel at every rehearsal... I *used* to have fun at rehearsals...
AAAAAGH! My head hurts! *holds head* And my stomach.... go away knot of anxiety! Away! Awaaaaaaay! *whimpers* Tomorrow at rehearsals we do Act 2; that's the act with my big chunk of text! And today we had to do the whole Act 1 with out tongues out (to help w/enunciation); I don't want to do my big chunk of text with my tongue out! It's hard enough for me to do regularly! My mouth is incredibly dry by the end of it, and I feel like I could suck on my inhaler all night afterwards... but then again, that's how I feel at every rehearsal... I *used* to have fun at rehearsals...
Sunday, January 26, 2003
Mood: Depressed 
I'd have hoped my mood would have improved since friday. . . You'd think I'd feel better now that finals are over. Rather, I feel worse. Damn. I went through my pockets looking for enough pain killers to kill myself but I couldn't find any, so I laid on my bed for an hour or so waiting to see if anyone would come and check on me after I went in there to cry. No one did. . . Damn. . . Somehow, I feel better, like I've resolved everything. Like maybe nothing really *does* matter.... I still can't get this anxious knot out of my stomach.. .. .. Maybe I'll get lucky tomorrow and cease to exist because of something someone else did, or an accident. As I blurted out today, to my surprise, "I don't want to play anymore."
I'd have hoped my mood would have improved since friday. . . You'd think I'd feel better now that finals are over. Rather, I feel worse. Damn. I went through my pockets looking for enough pain killers to kill myself but I couldn't find any, so I laid on my bed for an hour or so waiting to see if anyone would come and check on me after I went in there to cry. No one did. . . Damn. . . Somehow, I feel better, like I've resolved everything. Like maybe nothing really *does* matter.... I still can't get this anxious knot out of my stomach.. .. .. Maybe I'll get lucky tomorrow and cease to exist because of something someone else did, or an accident. As I blurted out today, to my surprise, "I don't want to play anymore."
Friday, January 24, 2003
Mood: Anxious + Tired of Everything
Sometimes I just really don't want to do this anymore. I just want to quit everything, curl up into a ball and cease to exist. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me sometimes! WHY THE HELL DID I EVER WANT TO DO THIS PLAY!? I'm DYING of fright and anxiety! And I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to freaking do! I hear myself telling myself excuses, and making up things so I don't have to talk to anyone, so I don't have to have contact, and I believe them! It's so hard to explain... And I couldn't sleep last night, first because I kept hearing voices, so many voices! So strange.... I think it was from damage to my ears tho.... And then my brother's toy that talks when you move in front of it kept going off! And it turns out that it was going on outside right under my window. Then my sister's watch went off and beeped and beeped and beeped and beeped.... I just don't want to do this anymore
Sometimes I just really don't want to do this anymore. I just want to quit everything, curl up into a ball and cease to exist. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me sometimes! WHY THE HELL DID I EVER WANT TO DO THIS PLAY!? I'm DYING of fright and anxiety! And I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to freaking do! I hear myself telling myself excuses, and making up things so I don't have to talk to anyone, so I don't have to have contact, and I believe them! It's so hard to explain... And I couldn't sleep last night, first because I kept hearing voices, so many voices! So strange.... I think it was from damage to my ears tho.... And then my brother's toy that talks when you move in front of it kept going off! And it turns out that it was going on outside right under my window. Then my sister's watch went off and beeped and beeped and beeped and beeped.... I just don't want to do this anymore
Thursday, January 23, 2003
Mood: Spent! 
Wheeee! We performed our Advanced/IB drama play tonight! ! ! ! It went well, not as well as it should have, but better than it *could* have. I'm so glad finals are over. Today was hectic; I had a biology final and hadn't brought my book home the night before, so I had to get in and study like mad for 20 minutes before the final (making myself a little notecard -- that was allowed -- with all the technical stuff and what not), then I took the final, which I completed in an hour and fifteen minutes, and that gave me 45 minutes to finish my journal that I had to turn in at lunch! ! So I *sort of* finished the journal just as lunch started, I gave my English teacher the journal and the late assignment ^^;; and started to go have lunch but then I remembered we had to rehearse during lunch so I ran to the auditorium, and we had dress rehearsal in front of Intermediate Drama *Deep breath!* and then worked on a few parts of the play! So! That took 4 hours and ended at 3:30, when I rushed home, arrived at 4:40, ate dinner grabbed props and costume pieces I still needed and ran out at 5:00.... arrived back at school at 6:00 (yes, it *does* take an hour .... well, its by bus) and then Frenzy frenzy frenzy! Some stuff happened, it was a blur; the show started at 7 and we finished sometime around 8:30 or something like that. Now I'm here... and I just got done surfing... and I'm really tired.... I've got to do a reflection on the performance to email tomorrow (No school! YES!..... darnit..... I just remembered I have a work party on Saturday *groaaaaaan*----- Oh SHOOT! I agreed to work on saturday! What to do!? ACK! .....) I'm going to bed.... ..... I'll have to try to forget that so I can sleep *sigh* Night
Wheeee! We performed our Advanced/IB drama play tonight! ! ! ! It went well, not as well as it should have, but better than it *could* have. I'm so glad finals are over. Today was hectic; I had a biology final and hadn't brought my book home the night before, so I had to get in and study like mad for 20 minutes before the final (making myself a little notecard -- that was allowed -- with all the technical stuff and what not), then I took the final, which I completed in an hour and fifteen minutes, and that gave me 45 minutes to finish my journal that I had to turn in at lunch! ! So I *sort of* finished the journal just as lunch started, I gave my English teacher the journal and the late assignment ^^;; and started to go have lunch but then I remembered we had to rehearse during lunch so I ran to the auditorium, and we had dress rehearsal in front of Intermediate Drama *Deep breath!* and then worked on a few parts of the play! So! That took 4 hours and ended at 3:30, when I rushed home, arrived at 4:40, ate dinner grabbed props and costume pieces I still needed and ran out at 5:00.... arrived back at school at 6:00 (yes, it *does* take an hour .... well, its by bus) and then Frenzy frenzy frenzy! Some stuff happened, it was a blur; the show started at 7 and we finished sometime around 8:30 or something like that. Now I'm here... and I just got done surfing... and I'm really tired.... I've got to do a reflection on the performance to email tomorrow (No school! YES!..... darnit..... I just remembered I have a work party on Saturday *groaaaaaan*----- Oh SHOOT! I agreed to work on saturday! What to do!? ACK! .....) I'm going to bed.... ..... I'll have to try to forget that so I can sleep *sigh* Night
Tuesday, January 21, 2003
Mood: Sick 
I don't feel good! My head hurts! I feel like throwing up! A girl in my drama class was sick today. . . . maybe I caught it? ok ok, I know, it's a migraine :P But i have so much to do! And I haven't started... I have to do all this flipping work for English! And I had my two hardest finals today. . . well. . . they might prove to ...not...be... the hardest *tongue-tied* =P ummm Oh yeah, these people at Elfwood are really making me mad! ! ! Grrr.... Our advanced/IB drama play is Thursday! ! ! So I have to stay after everyday this week and practice a bunch >.< Today we didn't get too much done cause we were trying to tech, but our director was totally fried or something and so couldn't organize anything or *THINK* apparently *rolls eyes* but I had fun anyway >:) I've been coming up with these really freaking creepy thoughts lately... kind of like those "maybe i'm just a brain in a jar dreaming this up" things, but creepier *shudders*. My head is killing me! I've gotta get to work, man.... *huff*
I don't feel good! My head hurts! I feel like throwing up! A girl in my drama class was sick today. . . . maybe I caught it? ok ok, I know, it's a migraine :P But i have so much to do! And I haven't started... I have to do all this flipping work for English! And I had my two hardest finals today. . . well. . . they might prove to ...not...be... the hardest *tongue-tied* =P ummm Oh yeah, these people at Elfwood are really making me mad! ! ! Grrr.... Our advanced/IB drama play is Thursday! ! ! So I have to stay after everyday this week and practice a bunch >.< Today we didn't get too much done cause we were trying to tech, but our director was totally fried or something and so couldn't organize anything or *THINK* apparently *rolls eyes* but I had fun anyway >:) I've been coming up with these really freaking creepy thoughts lately... kind of like those "maybe i'm just a brain in a jar dreaming this up" things, but creepier *shudders*. My head is killing me! I've gotta get to work, man.... *huff*
Thursday, January 16, 2003
Mood: *Groan*
Grrrrr.... a few things are bugging me. Maybe a few more than a few. There was a sleep-in at school tonight. I didn't go. *shrug* But according to my Personality Disorders Test (results posted today in the About Me section *wink*) that's to be expected *sighs*. I never thought of myself as "Borderline".... but "Avoidant" I've looked into. Ah, screw it. I feel dumb. Anyway, finals next week *phew, this semester is almost over*. Three day weekend coming up. Didn't this week take FOREVER!? . . . . I don't have to go to rehearsals tomorrow. I'm so glad. *sighs* This is so NOT like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. I'm starting to hate it. See ya.
Grrrrr.... a few things are bugging me. Maybe a few more than a few. There was a sleep-in at school tonight. I didn't go. *shrug* But according to my Personality Disorders Test (results posted today in the About Me section *wink*) that's to be expected *sighs*. I never thought of myself as "Borderline".... but "Avoidant" I've looked into. Ah, screw it. I feel dumb. Anyway, finals next week *phew, this semester is almost over*. Three day weekend coming up. Didn't this week take FOREVER!? . . . . I don't have to go to rehearsals tomorrow. I'm so glad. *sighs* This is so NOT like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. I'm starting to hate it. See ya.
Thursday, January 09, 2003
Mood: Whoooosh 
Oh dear. . . . See my little kitty mood icon? Oh yes. I can sum it up in two words: Oh dear. ^ ^;; Rehearsals for the play are going well. . . I didn't go on Wednesday because I was feeling ill... so I came home and slept for a few hourse *aaaahhhh, gooooood* Oh, and today I am wearing the longest sweater in the world! It must have been some sort of dress in another life! I don't remember it being this long and I've had it since 6th grade hmmmmmm.... I'm so glad tomorrow's Friday. It's no coincidence that Friday and *Phew* start with the same sound! ! ! ! .... or maybe it is :D lol. Oh yeah: Love to my secret pal! ! ! ! :D
Oh dear. . . . See my little kitty mood icon? Oh yes. I can sum it up in two words: Oh dear. ^ ^;; Rehearsals for the play are going well. . . I didn't go on Wednesday because I was feeling ill... so I came home and slept for a few hourse *aaaahhhh, gooooood* Oh, and today I am wearing the longest sweater in the world! It must have been some sort of dress in another life! I don't remember it being this long and I've had it since 6th grade hmmmmmm.... I'm so glad tomorrow's Friday. It's no coincidence that Friday and *Phew* start with the same sound! ! ! ! .... or maybe it is :D lol. Oh yeah: Love to my secret pal! ! ! ! :D
Wednesday, January 01, 2003
Mood: Dead
Blech, everything has gone horribly horribly wrong. Everything. I can't think of anything that's going well at this point. I feel like melting away . . . leaving behind a slimy residue of failure. GOSH i'm so angry right now. . . . but I'm also not angry right now. It's like feeling everything imaginable to the point of feeling nothing. I wonder how many more people are going to start to hate me. . .
