How do you do? Well I do just fine, thank you. I suppose that we had better introduce ourselves if we are to become life-long friends. Seeing as how you cannot directly tell me about yourself at this point (however feel free to email me and speak your mind), it will have to do for me to introduce myself.

     My name is Roseanne and I write this column every Saturday for exclusive posting on Stories.com. Why, you ask? Well because I'm too lazy to post it anywhere else, that's why. Really though, I'm writing this column as a way to express my opinions and observations, and impress them onto others. Hey, what other reasons do I need?

     I guess I still haven't introduced myself properly. I'm lazy; you already know that though. I enjoy computer graphics very much, as well as designing websites. However my sloth often gets in the way of doing both (really, I have a pet sloth named Bob).

     I hate school--who doesn't?--and I hate the way we have to do all these assignments in which I do not learn a single thing. Really, for anyone who says that all assignments teach you something here's a lesson: A student's number one goal is to complete each assignment with as minimal actual knowledge as necessary. Once any knowledge at all is gained, it is forgotten within a week, or after the test on it (whichever comes first).

     Alright, so I've rambled through this column. That's me: A rambler. Speaking of which did you ever watch Ramblin' Rod? I think it's a Pacific NW thing, but if you know otherwise feel free to email me. In the future each week's column will have a purpose, but seeing as how I had no purpose this week other than to introduce myself (which I think I have quite beautifully), this column is just a seemingly random mess.

     That can't be further from the truth. I think that through my writing you (the reader) can see exactly what kind of person I am. Even the sentence structure can tell you about me! For example: Did you know that if you study the punctuation of the 1st and 3rd paragraphs you can actually find out my dress size? My shoe size can be found by multiplying the mean number of words per paragraph by the quantative size of my average sentence. It sounds so simple, doesn't it?

There you have it. That's me!