Mood: *pant* dying of heatstroke
EEEEEEH It is soooo hot... *pants* today is supposedly breaking the record (well the record's at 90 and the projected high is 96... don't know if we're quite there yet but we might as well be). I hate the heat. >< blech. Today went off without too much of a hitch. . . was nearly late for the drama club meeting and made it JUST in time heehee. And the sign in thing went a lot better than I'd even hoped (I'd been worried as to how I should do that lol). . . . The Spanish final was HARD!!! JEESH! On some of them I had NO idea and just had to guess randomly. <<. 14 x .25 . . . . . ? darn. library fine. hehe.... it really is tooooo hot.
Mood: Slightly relieved But still worried
Well! I finished my English essay. I have to leave to get to the Drama Club meeting (at lunch time) at 10:30. Oh buoy ;). Now to take a shower, wash my hair, study for Spanish final... and look for the math notebook... *sigh* ttyl ;)
Well. I had to go through and do all the chores in the entire house. My lazy sister sat in the backroom all night and goofed around with her sewing while my dad yelled at me that the house was a mess so I did everything. . . Knowing full while that whatever I did wouldn't be good enough. Sure enough, as soon as my mom walked in she yelled at me for putting the mail on top of the breadbox so I could clean off the counter. *sigh* And noted that there is a "wet spot" somewhere on the carpet. Oh that is so my fault. I really don't get why nothing is ever good enough. Jeesh, you know, if I get straight A's (when I get straight A's-- which actually hasn't been for a year now, but) THAT'S not good enough. I think that's why I don't care anymore. Why bother if even 100% isn't good enough?. . . I'm so stressed out... and numb... I cryed today in English when my teacher was yelling at the class. I don't know if anyone saw me; I was in the corner, and I turned my head to look at the wall. *shrug* what's the difference. I cryed this morning because my mother yelled at me when I said I was staying after because she thought I was trying to get out of chores. I cryed when I was putting away the dishes, because I was imagining all the things my parents would say when they came into the kitchen to nitpick what i did, which I didn't have to do anyway. It's not like I'm sloppy putting things away, or doing things, but I don't do everything exactly the way they like it "too much water on the sponge" "not enough soap on the sponge" "these plates are stacked in the wrong order"..... Funny. I never talk to my friends about being depressed or overwhelmed... I've tried hinting at it.... I think I tried talking about it maybe... but they don't want to listen. I don't blame them. I know what it's like to be leaned on. I don't want to put that kind of a burden on anyone else. It's not a pleasant thing. Especially when you were looking for someone else to lean on yourself to begin with, and I don't think I know anyone who is well adjusted and sturdy. And so it goes.... I know ... I just realized this sounds so ... gripey... but I don't have any other release so if you don't like it stop reading. I always "act" around people to produce the desired effects. Manipulation? ... hardly if it's for their own good a lot of times... Hm. Makes me wonder if I ever stop acting.
Thursday: Bring in math notebooks
Thursday: Bring in Library books; interrogate librarians
Thursday 7:00 -- PLAY (stay after till 7, then till play is over... 10 ish? later? dunno)
Thursday -- English paper worth about half my quarter grade
Friday: Study for Spanish final
Friday: Drama Club Meeting; take attendence, take email addresses
Friday: Spanish Final
Friday: Turn in English paper
Friday: Study for SAT's
Saturday: SAT's 8:00
Sunday: Study for History Final
Sunday: Write Poem for English
Monday: History Final
Monday: Read English poem to class
Monday: Study for Biology final. Majorly
Monday: Write Drama Final
Monday: Drama Incentive points
Tuesday: Biology Final
Tuesday: Drama; clean dressing room/ whatever activity is planned for that day
Friday: Lysy Graduation
Week or two later: Pray report card is ok; in the meantime worry worry worry till I can't function
Week or Two later: Be punished by parents
End of June: Have Secret Project finished
End of June: Give Rini 20-some-odd dollars
July 1st: Launch Date.....
That's all for now.
Mood: Relieved... but braced for the next problem
WHEW. I did my English project today and I think it went over pretty well ^^;;. I still have to do an english essay tonight (don't know why he made them due so close to eachother *sigh*) and then the play is on thursday, and the SAT's on saturday, but the presentation was wearing my nerves very thin... so I'm glad that is SO over ;). I'm happy school is so close to being done. Then I'll have more time for secret project stuff.... (Look for it July 1st!! SHHHH!) hehehe.... anyway, see ya
Mood: Busy.... and "conjunctivitis-ish"
GAAAAAWWWWWLLLY.... I'm working on my english presentation. I'm kind of divided between two things. I pretty much know I want to work with Heart of Darkness, but whether I try to explain this one symbol/metaphor/extension of a theme.... or if I write my own passage in imitation of Conrad and the book. I'm trying to write but I'm having a hard time coming up with good stuff. *sigh* PLUS my eyes hurt. One has been red for a few days now. Really red. So red that it shocked me this morning. the other got pinkish later tonight. I couldn't even look at the computer earlier so I went and took an hour and a half nap. That was nice, but it made me tired. ><.... Anyway, back to work for me.... ;_;
Well ... before I was on the line... now... something pushed me over... I want to go lie down and die. *nearly starts crying*
*coughs* . . . . Luckily for me I've gotten so incredibly good at repression I'm already forgetting everything and going numb. . . I need candy.
Mood: Ummm... ambiguous?
I dunno how I feel right now. Kinda bummed that I have to do some school work but I don't feel like it. Slightly stressed that my english projects are coming up. Happy I did a little work on the secret project. Frustrated I haven't gotten more work done. Sad that no one has been online lately to talk to. Happy I had pizza for dinner. Anxious monday is tomorrow. Jazzed there are only seven more days of school. Worried something bad will happen to my grade in those seven days or nothing good will happen to them... either way very bad. ><. Annoyed Konran isn't online *beats her with a stick*.... And then I just feel this general malaise of laziness. Oh yes. laaaaazy... *sigh*
*makes strange noises*..... SIGH. . . . English Presentation is Scheduled for tomorrow, won't happen till Tuesday or Wednesday because we're so behind, English paper due Wednesday, my Play is on Thursday, Finals start Friday including my mega-hard Spanish final, Drama Club Meeting Friday where I have to sign everyone in and take notes on the proceedings *and* probably get a list of emails, Saturday is the SAT's, the next Monday is 2 periods of potential stress, and Tuesday is a make-or-break final followed by Drama where my final project (the reflection of the play) is due. Oh dear. But after that I'm... relatively free. There will be Drama Club meetings and stuff... (that will be fun and all, but still it would be nice to know that i have NOTHING to do all summer lol) but no school and no job... wheeee :D ....
I'll feel better in 10 days. Ten days.
Just ten days.