Poetry

This is my poetry. There's really not much more to say about it. In the interest of convenience, and less work for me, all of them will go on one page. Any new additions will go on top. I make it a policy not to explain or make excuses for my poetry, however, feel free to email any comments, questions, flames, whatever. My link's on the main page.


Last Rites

Rain slides slowly
down the glass.
I miss the sound it makes.
The cat chases his shadow in the darkness.
I sip from a goblet filled with liquid flame
and wish it would make my mind stop burning.
I want to let the cool rain
run through the crevices and cracks
of my heated brain and cleanse it.
I want to feel the sharp sting
as metal kisses my skin.
I want to let my thoughts flow
directly to you, no crude method
of teeth, lips and tongue in between.
I want to be peaceful, like the cat
warm and purring, held closely with love
I wish there were a better way
to while away the sleepless nights
I wish you were here,
lying close beside me, keeping me safe,
safe inside my own head.
Fatigue preys upon my mind
and crouches, waiting to pounce,
bite my throat and bleed me to sleep.

~*KnT*~ 2/17/03


Midnight Thoughts

I'm in the poetic mood tonight
But I'm sick of talking in nice phrases
And carefully written codes for metaphor.
So I'll talk straight tonight.
There's nobody to talk to today
Nobody to stop me
from picking up that razor
and popping off the pathetic plastic safety guards
and dragging it all over my body
and fall asleep peaceful.
It would be so easy.
I want it so bad.
But then everyone will be on my case for it
and what's infinitely worse, so will I.
Besides
I'm already bleeding.
I spent three hours waiting
and another hopeful.
Yeah, there's no place left to go
and if you've got a map you might as well burn it
because they won't let us leave anyways.
So what if I am a mermaid?
It doesn't change my reality one bit.
Just because I act confident doesn't mean I am.
Just because I laugh doesn't mean I'm happy.
Why can't I say what I think?
My body betrays me
no matter how hard my mind protests
or vice versa?
It's always about the men.
I learned to play the piano to be beautiful
Kinda sad when you think about it
but not nearly as sick as what the other girls do
At least I was cursed with the brains to know what's happening to me
and the sense to come in out of the rain
even if I don't always want to
and I'm happy till I'm not
can you always tell the difference?
I've been a slave to my little yellow pill and my foolish ideals
for far too long.
Time to cut loose
once I stop being a slave to someone else's schedule.
I'm not a damn professional
and probably never will be
so shut the hell up.
I'll find my own definitions someday.
That is, if I'm lucky.
Someday when my scars have faded and wounds have healed
But I'll always know where to find them
just in case I need them.
I want to feel pretty the way I am
but I can't seem to get rid of this artifice.
Que sera sera.
Ha.
Time for good little girls to be in bed
so I guess that makes me a bad girl
but that's ok
'cause I already knew that.
Good girls don't listen to things like Kittie and Korn
and they go to bed on time
and they sure as hell don't slice themselves up with razor blades.
But the music mirrors me
it's not my fault I can't sleep
and I knew I wasn't normal a long time ago
only somewhere along the way the joy got taken out of it.
Dreams haunt me
and the cats steal my jewelry
because their simple minds like shiny things.
And I'm always fighting nature
'cause I hate the way my hair curls
even though it's a lost cause.
I need a barrier around me
someone at my back to keep these thoughts from sneaking in
But there's no one here
And the lust for blood is making me ache
And I'm so terribly tired...

~*KnT*~ 1/20/03


Little Angel Unknown

The clock spells out my doom.
Dead skeletons of dried leaves scatter and rasp
across cold grey concrete.
I must capture the White Rabbit.
Thoughts drag
senseless as a blind force of nature
the cool dry rasp
of scales across my neck
deadly jewelry.
And they shall take up deadly snakes,
and the snakes shall not harm them...
Little girl lost
little angel unknown
making her way
in the drab mortal world
Light-shimmer on a puddle
broken to shards by a footstep
chaos slowly calming
to pure liquid light

~*KnT*~ 11/6/02


Vampyr

Suck me dry to stay alive
Burning my premature candle at both ends
If you take my fire
I'll be left here
Lying cold and dead.

Try your mind games on me
Pull and tear at me with your heartbreaking stare
If you want this broken heart
You can have it
Frozen cold and dead.

Drain me till I'm dizzy
Go ahead - it's what I'm here for.
Take everything
And have me the way you want me
Unresisting, cold and dead.

I'll pretend for you
Watch me act my false existence
Watch me closely
Look into my eyes
See them cold and dead.

I'm not your victim.

~*KnT*~ 6/10/02


Uncertainty

I'll pretend I can't hear your screams
turn up the tape of my own recorded agony
I can drown out your cries
but not your whimpers
I can solve my problems
with a suicide poem
and my pink plastic razor
but that won't do shit for you
You say I've changed
well, maybe I have
I'm not the girl you knew inside
wearing glitter for my faerie dreams
and black eyeliner for my darker thoughts
I know where you're headed
'cause I've been there before
and even though the scenery ain't much it's a hell of a long drive back
I know what it's like to sit
crying out for God
or anybody who gives a damn
tongue between your teeth
and a blade in your hand
Yeah, if I had wings I could fly
make them rip through the skin of my back
sucking the blood off your wounds for that dark wild feeling
I'm an insignificant girl
but that doesn't make me stupid
just 'cause I pour out my tragedy on paper doesn't make me a freak
up past midnight worrying about the dawn
as if the sun won't rise without my help
my familiar slanted script flows at the speed of thought
to untangle the knots inside my head
this dark uneasy feeling is for me not you
I have a more conventional worry for that
late nights spent struggling
icy logic against the searing heat of emotion
feelings were always my nemesis
and the outcome of this battle?
even I can't tell how this one ends.

~*KnT*~ 7/29/02


momentary thrills

this cold steel
reflection lies
hard and heavy in my hand
daydreams bound up
in red scarlet ribbons
beseech the moon to fall
and leave the night
blank
silvery wavers distort
the truth of me
and warp
the high and noble hymns of angels
into another ordinary
song about cheap sex

~*KnT*~ 8/4/02


Dragon-child

He stumbles blithely, like a dream
Half-entranced with crimson blood
And fluttering wings.
Lost in a realm outside dreams
Bewildered by life
This world is not enough,
so he looks to the sky for an answer.
These were the words of the girl in the moon.
'I know your dreams, because I share them.
I dream your tears when you cry inside.
Dream-child, dragon-child,
Already you fly higher
Than I would dare to think of.'
He drops his gaze from the heavens
And lights a fire for warmth.
These were the words of the girl in the fire.
'I know your fears, because you hide them.
I fear you do not fear me enough.
Spirit-child, dragon-child
I warm you with my life,
The very essence of my being.'
An angel fell to earth
Floating feather-soft to hard cold stone
His other half come searching for him.
These were the words of the girl with the wings.
'I know your hurts because I hurt the same.
I know your thoughts because they live inside my head.
Angel-child, dragon-child
We are the same.
Take my hand.'
And the dragon-child flew.

~*KnT*~ 4/4/02
for Silvenquesti


Untitled

Cold pearls cling to my bare feet.
I lay my head in the soft warmth you left.
I want to capture this moment in glass,
treasure this sweet ache,
feel the silken rustle against my bare skin.
This eternal feeling;
it's common, or so
I've heard.
I'm happy with so little.
I want to feel the rain on my skin.
Is that so strange?
This feeling has a name.
Power lies in the true name of a thing.
It's the first rule of a fantasy world.
Why can you not clearly see the true mind?
At the end of it all, nothing matters.
I want you always by my side.
I want you to see me as beautiful Mirror on the door
Tell me why my head's in the clouds
and my heart on the floor
Barrrump bump bump
Stare, person, stare
I want to glow glow glow
broken first then frozen
Fatigue is a poet's best friend.
I want to pour myself over you
like the rain washing down my skin.
I want to be the storm
and create rainbows of my own color.
I never never
want to hold you back.
Does my wild
desire make me more or less
who I am?
I bow before the weight of feeling.
I want to be clear like fire,
essential like blood.
Don't make me hate you.
Why must I ask so much of me?
I wear glitter to be a faerie again
I can't help it if the mortals steal my magic and my voice.
My own kind stole my tears.
I steal my own blood.
Kiss me, moon
Cradle me in the night
and let me dream your silver drops.

~*KnT*~ 5/22/02


Untitled

Mesmerized by the sparkle in my eyes, I stumble blindly onward. I try to dream away my bitter memories but I have to wake up sometime. My own feeble music isn't enough to sing the stars to life and light the elemental spark deep within. Lying with my face buried in the cool damp earth I hear the imps like hyenas laughing. I light the flames to stop the trembling and feel fire race through my body. I'm addicted to the rush of sweet silver kisses and red red roses blooming with their overwhelming perfume. I stain your skin with my bloody lips. The agility of my mind is the best exercise. Everybody shut up! Thoughts like cherry blossoms floating down to my grave and the sharp nip of ideas at my neck are all I need. Perpetual moon and starfilled night dominates the landscape but that's what candles are for. A shadowy half-world, population me. I go crazy clawing my back bloody looking for my non-existent missing wings. Dark-rimmed gaze burns back into my soul and I shatter myself to sparkling pieces.

~*KnT*~ 3/28/02


Mirages

Time suspended; the whisper of a dream
never teach one friendly poem good writing
Half-mad with frustrated desire
Nights spent sleepless to improve my bite
what is it in me that makes you love me?
Driven by the mad rhetoric
Hypothetical reality stakes a claim
Darkness, water, and a strange sort of aching
The coppery taste of swallowing blood
My nimble mind is rich with imagery.
chaos imposes order
The freedom to exist
Casting sacrifice to the god of nightmare
Full of romance but dirty close up.
the pawns of Fate seldom count themselves lucky.
The glass orb of my mind is shattered
Leaking paranoia and daydreams
The touch of warm fingers on the small of my back
Everything dies.
The cold stars have stolen my dreams.
one forlorn figure trailing
Time
drags
onward

~*KnT*~ 2/22/02


Untitled

Can't see my way, I'm blind Or is that you? You can't see me with yoru x-ray vision Too blinded by the light to notice darkness' presence You'll get bitten in the end Half mad with sorrow and fury awaits this chylde of night Love and pain one and the same Can't breathe can't see Red glints in my eyes Monochromatic madness Ultraviolet magic I gave you more than you knew without myself knowing Till too late Unstable, can't find solid ground Will you catch me or fly away? Wings of fire are no avail Wind fuels fire Blows out flame So cold Fire can't warm anymore Need another light Will smother if I try Dark fog Blinded, stumbling Lost, I'm lost Lonely, cold and dead No kiss of life for the ugly duckling No swan transformation Black sheep cast out Bleached herself, couldn't hide it Failed at life Wellspring of seething confusion I am a tachyon Faster-than-light-you-everything Never gonna match speed Doomed to speed Unproven existence Windchime discordant subliminal harmony Fairy tales can't come true Suspense kills me and I'm dying, crying and dying but you can't see 'cause I won't let you Don't wanna cause you pain so I hide the scars so far beneath skin-deep Unhealed emotion tangled chain Why can't you just leave me alone? Everybody wants something from me can't I give not recieve for once? No expectations please check your soul at the door soulless spineless Dark-eyed shadow with the pale face Who's that following me? Gold the color of magic won't help me here the one wish I want not granted out of selfishness but is it really mine? Bat-winged angel eyeless crying blood Justice is blind and Fate and Love The searing heat is good on my skin save some for later a light in dark places Black hole in supernova's clothing brightness isn't always the answer isn't darkness beautiful? I want you to love the night As one bonded to it You're a creature of the sunlight even though the fire is in my spirit Sun's scourging fire burns through me evil's mark Can't stand the sun I'm slowly fading Ethereally haunted surprised by life the walls are bleeding closing in and the blood chokes me sustains me Needing like dying no more crying forever and always Eternity was my word now I can't hear the summer storm a lightning flash of inspiration and flow like muddy blood spilt in the sky Phoenixes are mythology No rebirth for me Endless labyrinth of the mind Always the same path leads everywhere to the end the beginning and I start walking again and fade to black

~*KnT*~ 12/20/01


Transparent

Lost
I'm lost and unseen
Cold and alone
Drawn to your warmth
A moth to flame
Can't get near your searing radiance
You leave to seek the butterfly
Moth-me flutters in place
A dark-rimmed silhouette trailing behind
Never quite so beautiful
The many-colored one flies
I am earthbound
You prefer a life in the clouds
Your eyes can't see me
Half-visible ghostly child
Made vulnerable with wanting
Always second place
Can't see myself anymore
I know my place
Slowly, I fade

~*KnT*~ 12/20/01


corrupt v.1

I am a child of light, stolen and bewitched by darkness. Such is the magnitude of my tragedy that even the heavens must weep in sweet compassion. Flame is my affinity and spirit, for anything that touches fire is consumed. Yet water extinguishes fire. Do not cry tears of sorrow or pity for me, for by your grief do I die. My true purpose has been lost in confusing mist, forever a wanderer. Step softly, speak no word, else the flame be fueled. I burn with a flame more frigind than the cold, prickly starlight, death by freezing while burning. I cannot escape the dark legacy that was no choice of my own. Bound in filaments thin yet strong as spidersilk, escape is futile. I make no effort. I am what I am, nothing more, nothing less. Some wounds go beyond healing. Cursed forever, I languish.

corrupt v.2

child of light
darkness-stolen
bewitched
such magnificent tragedy
even the heavens
must weep in sweet compassion.
affinity
the flame-spirit
all is consumed.
yet water shall
extinguish.
cry no tears
sorrow, pity
for by thy grief
do I die.
true purpose lost
confusing mist
forever a wanderer.
to burn with flame more frigid
than cold starlight
freezing as burning.
by no choice of mine
the dark legacy
unescapable.
bound and bonded
filaments thin
yet strong
as spidersilk.
escape is futile
no effort made.
existential equality
no more, no
less.
some wounds go
beyond healing.
cursed forever
I languish.
~*KnT*~ 12/03/01


Shattered

And one more time you call my name
Broken little girl under a stained summer sky
Can't cleanse the sound
from my too-absorbent brain

Can't see the light for its reflection
Bewitching rainbows cloud my vision
Sparkling shards ensnare the senses
kiss the pieces of my broken heart softly

(call me...)

I feel the darkness creeping in
Sliding under my translucent skin
Crystalline poison
Frozen kisses
Can you see the darkness in me?

Breathe life into this cold pale heart
Crimson droplets on soft warm lips
Spectre in a mirror-maze of ice
willingly trapped yet trying to flee

(follow me...)

I sense the madness return to me
A blind lost spirit; I can't see
What's to become
of this poor tangled puppet
Can't you see the darkness in me?

Darkness in me...
Rising in me...
(in me...)

And one more time you call my name
But the sounds I hear all sound the same
Glass and ice and
Blood and fire and
Don't you see the darkness in me?

Don't you hear my silent screams?
Don't tell yourself this is just a dream
Close your eyes and take
a breath and
Plunge into the darkness in me
Drown inside the darkness in me
Break apart the darkness in me

(the darkness is rising)
Break apart the darkness in me
(underneath my tender skin)
Break and kill this darkness in me
(leave a sign to guide me home)
Break me open
(I'm dying in the rising darkness)
Break me

~*KnT*~ 11/22/01


Mirror

I look into the mirror
And see another me.
But which one am I -
Me or she?
She mimics every move I make
But who is the real copycat?
Do I copy her or she me?
She is a prisoner, or so it seems
Contained between the four walls
Of her frame.
But what if it is I, and not she that is imprisoned?
Outside the storm rages, and we gaze
Each asking a question
That neither can answer.
I look into the mirror
And see another me.
But which one am I -
Me or she?
I smile in scorn and pity.
But while I sit, surrounded
Just four walls and my mirror
She holds the universe in her hands.

~*KnT*~ date unknown


Deceptions

I sit alone in my darkened room
Silence filling my heart like a tomb
I cry out a heartfelt prayer
As anguish drives me to despair.
This darkness in me I cannot fight
Endless everlasting night
Two of me, standing back to back
But who is the strong one in the last act?
This world has gone out of its mind
Contemplating suicide
And I'm no better, I can feel
How this experience is so surreal.
I need precious healing rain
But I must be purified by pain
Nothing now is what it seems
Reality is just a dream.
Tortured by inspiration, I seek
To be strong, but my instinct is weak
I sit, and I wonder
Is it genius' curse to be torn asunder?
Conflicting issues, poisoned darts
Branded blazing on my heart
Curses, anguish, night, despair
Suicide, pain, a heartfelt prayer
All this becomes this life of mine
But to everyone else, I am fine...

~*KnT*~ '00



Ascension

Untangle me from heaven
And unhook me from above
What am I doing with my head in the clouds
When this earth holds everything that I love?

The sun is warm upon my back
Drives away the bitter bite of cold
But this shadowed star shrouded in mystery
Is not the price for which a soul is sold.

My twin sister is Persephone
Hades the jailer of my heart
I stumble through this living hell
Since when did bad dreams become so smart?

My personal nightmares know best how to taunt me
Visions of things that can never be
My greatest hope becomes my greatest fear
And heart and mind cannot agree.

~*KnT*~ '00


Ourouboros

Ring around the rosy
Pocket full of posies
Ashes, ashes
Falling down
To cover the ground
Like demented snow.
Spin, spin, spin
Pinwheels of colorful confusion
Frustrating my senses, leaving me dizzy
Not sure which way is up or down
Magical serpent
Encircling the universe
Tell me my destiny
Let your scales of pure light touch me -
They burn.
Your mark is on me.
Death, rebirth, cycling chaos.
Dimly I hear the children's chant on the wind.
Ring around the rosy
Pocket full of posies
Ashes, ashes
All fall down...

~*KnT*~ 2/18/01


cowardice

at night
as the darkness creeps in
into my room
into my soul
i sit in the pool of pulsating light
surrounded by black
sharp silver shining in my hand
longing for crimson
i close my eyes and grit my teeth
making the motions
but not quite folowing through
silver slides out of my grip to fall uselessly ever down
and i stare at pitiful pale red lines
not enough
never enough
i bow my head
midnight, silver, crimson - a drop of crystal shattered
waiting defeatedly
for far-off hopeless dawn

~*KnT*~ 2/22/01


Webs of Reality

Spiders spinning silken, wicked webs
Of hidden confusion and deception
Mirrors reflect back to all eyes that can see
A thousand different images of reality
But none of them real at all
Welcome to my world
My enigmatic mystery of life
A funhouse of madness, terror and pain
One from which there is no escaping
Some have tried
More have died
Ravening insanity in their wake
My life is in my pen and paper
All that keeps me sane
For only when I write
Am I the true master of reality

~*KnT*~ '00